This is what I had written at the beginning of the year and had set out to accomplish throughout 2015…
Goal 1: Write 1st draft of novel by my birthday at the end of July.
- Commit to writing a least an hour a day.
- Ummm… make more action items once I know what they are??
Goal 2: Continue the growth of Wanderwhirl.
- Blog at least 2x a week
- Use my DSLR at least twice a month
Goal 3: Cultivate real relationships.
- Check Facebook no more than once per day (clear the clutter or delete it altogether)
- Go to a meetup or some social event at least once a month
- Video chat, message, or otherwise interact with brother, sisters, & close friends once a month
Goal 4: Tone up and lose the excess fat by my birthday.
- Limit alcohol consumption
- Eat at least one vegetable with two meals a day
- Do more intensive exercise 3x a week
- Limit sugar consumption to a special treat no more than once a week
Goal 5: Learn something new.
- For one hour, study a foreign language, crochet (or practice an instrument?) 3x a week
And surprise, surprise… this isn’t working for me. I thought that if I tried to instill habits that I would achieve my goals more easily. Ha!
Nope. Not even close.
I think my problem with goals is that they’re too concrete. I’ve never been one to say “I’m going to do X, Y, and Z.” and then I do X, Y, and Z. It’s never happened. Never ever.
So, why do I keep trying? I don’t know. Because I’m a glutton for punishment? Because I dislike success? Because society tells me to have goals? Because that’s how normal people apparently accomplish shit!?
Well, at least I have the ‘try try again’ attitude, right? *sigh* Obviously, setting goals does nothing for me. After almost 40 years of age, I have finally realized that and ya know what, that’s OK. I’m gonna embrace it. No more denial. This is who I am. Let’s just add ‘unable to achieve goals’ to my life profile and get on with it, shall we?
So, I got to thinking “What’s wrong with this list? Why can’t I achieve these things?”
Well, let’s hash it out…
- I’m distracted, scared, and overwhelmed.
- Some days, I don’t feel like writing. Some days, I want to wear pajamas, lounge on the sofa with the pups, and watch a movie.
- Sometimes, I just want a damn cupcake more than once a week. Do I do it? No, but goddammit.. I want to!
- A lot of the times, I’m lazy and don’t want to exercise.
- Who has the time to learn something new while tackling all the other things and also battling the roadblocks of no motivation and fear!?
You can also say the goals aren’t specific enough or the habits aren’t specific enough or maybe they’re too specific… or I’m trying to do too much all at once. And yes, all of those things are true.
Another truth is that I’m actually doing OK with a lot of these goals, but I find myself looking at this list from time to time and berating myself for not being further along or doing better. It’s so self-defeating that it makes me want to quit altogether instead of pushing me to work harder.
So, I have decided a better route for me would be to conceptualize this shit. Make more abstract “goals” that can be open to interpretation and evaluation at the end of the year.
Does that make sense? It makes sense in my head.
Of course, a lot of things make sense in my head.
Basically, I’m scrapping the idea of trying to achieve any single thing by some arbitrary deadline.
Because really, this is what I want to be:
- More creative
- More social
- More active
- More knowledgable
And, my action plan is simple really. I intend to keep these words in the forefront of my mind for the year, and we’ll see what comes to fruition.
I will be more mindful in my day to day life.
How about you?
*Image taken on Christmas Day 2014 along the Rattlesnake Ridge trail